My encounter with Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever about 4 years ago

This morning, I was reminded of how God preserved and restored me when I was down with Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever about 4 years ago.

Dengue fever is a disease caused by the dengue virus which can be transmitted to humans by the bite of an infected mosquito. The incubation period of dengue fever normally ranges from between 3 to 14 days.

Dengue haemorrhagic fever is a more severe form of dengue and can be fatal if unrecognised or not treated.

(For more information about Dengue Fever and Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever, there are is a very useful website that gives some FAQ about Dengue Fever by Ministry of Health in Singapore. World Health Organization also has a useful information on Dengue Fever.)

When I was down with Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever about 4 years ago, it was at a time when Dengue Fever was epidemic in Singapore. It was a time when Dengue Fever was most high since many years, and there were several deaths due to it. Pastor C was just taken home about 1 month ago in that year also due to Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever and a complication of it, Dengue Shock Syndrome.

At that time, I experienced symptoms very similar to flu. I had very high fever, body aches, headaches, joint pains, tiredness and loss of appetite for about 5 days. Taking paracetamol could not bring the fever down. Though I went to the Polyclinic for blood test twice they didn't suspect dengue fever because my platelet count was still within normal range and I didn't have any rashes. It was on the 6th day that I began to develop more severe symptoms like nause, vomitting, abdominal pain and difficulties breathing. My brother immediately took me to the Emergency Unit in the Hospital.

In the Hospital, they did a blood test for me and put me on drip for fluid replacements. After the blood test they told me that they suspect I had Dengue Fever and I needed to be warded. It was in the ward that the Doctor later came and told me that I had the more severe form of Dengue Fever called Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever and my platelet count was only 57 (normal range is 140 to 440). He said that was the second time I had Dengue Fever and that was why it had turned to Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever. They found 2 different Dengue virus in my blood during blood test. But I wasn't even conscious that I ever had Dengue Fever before. I used to get flu very often, and it was possible that I had dengue fever before without knowing it. Usually it is the 2nd time getting Dengue Fever that it becomes fatalistic.

In the Hospital, rashes developed all over my body. The medical people did a blood test for me every day and Doctor ordered me to drink at least 4 liter of water. On my second day of hospitalization my platelet dropped further to 25. The Doctor ordered that I was not allowed to get down from my bed because if I fall I will have internal bleeding and I can die of internal bleeding. Doctor also said that if my platelet continue to drop below 20, then they will put me on blood transfusion. That night, I sms my Pastor and asked him whether he will bury me should the Lord takes me home and he said yes :-) I knew that my condition was critical and the Lord might take me home. Several Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever patients had died due to internal bleeding at that time. So I knew there is a possibility that I might be the next one. But I had complete peace in the Lord and I entrust all things into His Hands.

By God's mercies and sovereignty, He preserved my life. The next day, my platelet count went up to 70 and after that it continued to go up. I was admitted for a total of 6 days. During my period of hospitalization, I saw the goodness and mercies of God upon me. I wasn't as sick as before I was hospitalization. In the Hospital, I was alert and able to sit up and talk to people. Thank God for many friends and brethren in my church who prayed and visited me. I was not very sickly like most Dengue patients were. I was able to read, talk and listen to sermons. Neither did I know how fatal or critical my actual situation was. It was only on the day of discharged, that my Doctor revealed to me how sickly I really was on the day of my admission. According to my Doctor, I was severely dehydrated due to the fever and vomitting, and all my other vital signs were upside down. I was in danger of getting Dengue Shock Syndrome which is fatalistic. Pastor C died of Dengue Shock Syndrome where there is internal bleeding and the body developed shock as a result, and internal organs failed. At the point of discharged, all my vital signs are back to normal and my platelet count also had gone up to 240. The Doctor actually treated me like a case study. Every day he brought a group of Students Doctor to see me and explained things to them. I didn't understand what was going on at first. Only at the point of discharged, that the Doctor told me that my case was very unique and they took me as a study object. They were amazed that I recovered so well when I was clearly very sick. I give thanks and glory to God.

Now as I recounted this incident to you, I am once again in awe at God's power to preserve and protect us from all harm, when we belonged to Him. If He so wills, like in the case of Pastor C, He may take us home through an illness, so that we no longer need to suffer in this world and we can be with Him for all eternity. But if He so desires, He may also demonstrate His power to sustain, protect and restore us, until it is His time to call us home. And meanwhile, may we run the race that is set before us patiently, looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Thank God that we can trust in Him no matter what we may have to go through in this life, knowing that He loves us and is working all things for His glory and our good.

Thank you for stopping by. Take care and have a blessed Lord's day!

Whom have I in Heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:25-26

My friend, Sau, took this picture at Saipan.

Thankful Thursday

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:26

Thank God for seeing me through another week. The last 1 week have been quite a difficult week for me as my health has not been good and I have gone through many difficult challenges. But thank God that though my flesh and my heart failed at times, God is the strength of my heart and my portion through the past 1 week and forever more. So I have many things to thank God for :-)

I am thankful to God for sustaining me daily and giving me grace and strength to live for Him. I am still learning to manage my condition. As you probably know, I suffer from a condition called bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness). This is a neurological and medical condition that can be treated. It alternates between manic and depression. There are pockets of time when I am more "normal" :-)

Besides medication there are various helps available in coping with my condition such as regular exercise, minimizing stress, healthy meal, regular sleep and recreation, etc etc. In the recent weeks, my health has been fluctuating as I am managing more stress in terms of my freelance work and other challenges in my life. The last few days have been particularly trying as I have been experiencing panic attacks due to some stressful situations. Stress and strained are my main triggering factors in my condition and so I am looking to the Lord daily for grace and wisdom to manage. I thank God for His faithfulness in seeing me through the many challenges and for strengthening me.

Thank God that His Words have bring great encouragement and comfort to me this week as I searched through them in the face of various challenges.

Thank God for the joy of worship and fellowship on the Lord's day. Thank God for a soul-searching message on maintaining a right relationship with God's children that will please God.

Thank God that the church Aunty who went through the surgery last Tuesday was able to come for worship last Lord's day and we had a blessed time of fellowship.

Thank God for family and friends who puts up with my many limitations and loved me just the way I am and help me to grow in many wonderful ways. Their love and support is precious to me. Thank God for my mother who takes such wonderful care of me even while I seek to care for her. Thank God for my sister's family for spending time with my mum and me this week.

Thank God for 2 friends who helped me to brain-storm some difficult decisions recently and helped me to learn and grow through these difficult experiences.

Thank God for enabling me to complete one freelance assignment ahead of time and enabling me to start on a new one now. Thank God for His provisions.

Thank God for providing for my daily bread and so many blessings in His wonderful ways, and through the kindness of His beloved people .

Thank God for Iris' labours of love in hosting Thankful Thursday.

Thank God for the joy of participating on Thankful Thursday. Reading the various encouraging Thankful Thursday posts on so many blogs have helped me to count my blessings and be more thankful. Sometimes when the road is tough and the days are difficult, it is easy to forget that God is still with us and have shower us with many blessings. So I am thankful to God that through Thankful Thursday I can step aside from the challenges of the day, the tiredness, the stress and whatever else, to just reflect upon God's blessings and goodness to me. Praise Him that I do have many things to be thankful for!

Thank God for all of you, my dear blogging friends, other friends and readers, for stopping by, reading my posts and encouraging me by sharing with me your thoughts and reflections either via comment or email.

Thank God for the many blogs that I can visit daily and all the encouragements I derived from your blogs. Thanks for sharing your life with me. It is so wonderful to find such friendships and support online. God be praised!

How about you? How has the Lord blessed you through the past week?

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you have a blessed and thankful day!

God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

Yesterday, I shared about how God's presence and His Words have been a comfort to me in my struggles with severe depression in bipolar disorder. Even though at times due to severe depression in which my brain was not able to receive the appropriate messages and I could not think or feel aright, God is still with me, He sustains me through very difficult, painful and lonely experiences and I found comfort from Psalm 130 in which I am reminded that as I cried unto the Lord from the depths of the pit I was in, the Lord will deliver me. Thank God for His mercies and faithfulness that usually after 3 or 6 months of such sufferings, the Lord delivered me and the chemical in my brain were restored, I am once again able to enjoy prayers, reading the Bible, public worship, fellowship, my family, my friends, my work, my hobbies, etc etc.

Jenalexa commented that she is glad to hear that I know in the deepest part of my heart, God loves me and I know he is there no matter what mood state I am in. She felt that this is a great testimony to others who suffer with depressive states and feel judged or condemned while in that condition.

Paula said she too finds it very difficult to enjoy things during depression. Then, she feels guilty for that and it just makes her feel worse. Thank God that He understand everything about us, even though we often don't understand ourself. She found that it's when she just let go and cry to God from the depths of her heart that she finds the most release.

It is sad that sometimes Christian are condemned for going through severe depression even when the nature of it is biological or due to a mood disorder. It is a mercy that God understands and allows this thorn in our flesh for His glory and our good. And He loves and cares for us, sustains and delivers us in His time.

Dr David P Murray did 6 very encouraging and information videos on "Depression and the Christian". In his first message on "Depression and the Christian : The Crisis", he spoke about the impact depression will have our spiritual life:

"We might say that there are three main elements in our make-up that affect our overall well-being: our body, our soul, and our mind (our thoughts). These are not three watertight and disconnected entities. There is considerable overlap and connectivity. When our body breaks down, it affects our spiritual life and our thinking processes. When our spiritual life is in poor condition, our thoughts are affected, and often our bodily health and functions also. It is therefore no surprise that when our mental health is poor, when our thinking processes go awry, that there are detrimental physical and spiritual consequences.

The depressed believer cannot concentrate to read or pray. He doesn’t want to meet people and so may avoid church and fellowships. He often feels God has abandoned him.

Moreover, it is often the case that faith, instead of being a help, can actually cause extra problems in dealing with depression. There is, for instance, the false guilt associated with the false conclusion, “Real Christians don’t get depressed.” There is also the usually mistaken tendency to locate the cause of mental illness in our spiritual life, our relationship with God, which also increases false guilt and feelings of worthlessness."

How true that we often mistakenly thought that our depression is due to something wrong in our relationship with God, which increases false guilt and feelings of worthlessness. The truth is for those of us with mood disorders such as bipolar or major depression, our depression is due to some chemical imbalance in our brain which cause our brain not able to send or receive appropriate messages. We can't think or feel aright generally, including spiritually.

And sometimes, sadly, our conditions can be made worst by others, even our loved ones and friends, who do not understand what we are going through and simply accused us of not trusting in God, etc etc. It is particularly difficult for Christians as we get blamed excessively for sin and lack of trust in God when we are in fact trusting in God despite our pains and sufferings, and looking to Him for mercies and deliverance.

Dr David P Murray also spoke about this widespread misunderstanding on depression:

“Being depressed is bad enough in itself, but being a depressed Christian is worse. And being a depressed Christian in a church full of people who do not understand depression is like a little taste of hell.”

As we all know there is a terrible stigma attached to mental illness. This is the result of widespread misunderstanding about its causes, its symptoms, and the “cures” available. Some of the misunderstanding is understandable. Unlike cancer or heart disease or arthritis, there is no scan or test which can visibly demonstrate the existence of depression/anxiety. It is a largely “invisible” disease. We want to be able to point to something and say, “There’s the problem!” When we can’t, we often wrongly conclude, “There is no problem!” Or, if we are Christians, we may, usually wrongly, conclude, “My spiritual life is the problem!”

This misunderstanding is addressed in the excellent book, I’m not supposed to feel like this (a book written by a Christian pastor, a Christian psychiatrist, and a Christian lecturer in psychiatry). Near the beginning of the book, they summarise what they believe and what they do not believe about depression:

“What we believe: We believe that all Christians can experience worry, fear, upset and depression. We also believe that being a Christian does not prevent us or our loved ones from experiencing upsetting and challenging problems such as illness, unemployment, or relationship and other practical difficulties.

What we do not believe; Although at times we all choose to act in ways that are wrong and this can lead to bad consequences for us and for others, we do not see anxiety and depression as always being the result of sin; neither do we

believe that mental health problems are the result of a lack of faith.”

It is absolutely vital for Christians to understand and accept that while mental illness usually has serious consequences for our spiritual life, mental illness is rarely caused by problems in our spiritual life.

Truly, there is still much misunderstandings about depression and bipolar depression even among Christians. It is often ascribed to a weakness in our character, our being too emotional, our lack of faith in God or our sins. There are times when these are true but they are not always so. Thank God that even when we don't understand what we are going through during a severe depression episode due to our mood disorders or other reasons, and others judged or condemn us or misunderstood us, God's love for us remains unchanging and He understands and cares for us. He gives us grace and strength, and delivered us in His time.

Thank God that now my family and friends are more understanding and supportive. I am thankful to God for their love and kindness as they seek to understand my condition and bear with me in my weaknesses and struggles with this chronic mood disorder. I know that at times it can be very difficult, confusing and frustrating for our family, loved ones and friends as they could not understand our behaviours or what we are going through. Thankfully there are many helps available to on how family members and friends can help to understand and care for their loved ones with mood disorder. Thank God for family and friends who cared enough to study depression and how best they can love their loved ones through this condition.

I am thankful to God that He is with me always and He has provided many people who love and accept me, including my many blogging friends! I found that though my flesh and my heart failed at times and others also misunderstood me, God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. What a mercy!




I took picture of these beautiful flowers at the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.